Wednesday, November 23, 2022

No vacancy in my cornucopia

Thanksgiving sometimes feels like a mandate to have an “attitude of gratitude” above all, which for me can be a bit of a sticky wicket. I’ve been focusing a lot over the past several years on cultivating a mindful approach to life, part of which involves reflecting on gratitude on the regular. In that reflection, I typically am able to find plenty of legitimate things to be thankful for, but I realize that’s just me. I don’t know what’s going on in your life. I don’t know what you’re dealing with. Who am I, or is anyone, to suggest that you should be grateful?

If circumstances and conditions are such that gratitude comes hard for you this season, or comes not at all, I have three things to say: 1) I’m sorry to hear it, 2) That totally sucks, and 3) I am here for you.

I am never going to tell you or anyone else what or how to feel, and I am certainly not ever going to admonish you or anyone to “just be grateful.” As if gratitude is the miracle cure for what “ails” you. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Instead of forcing each other to awkwardly and uncomfortably articulate something that we are thankful or grateful for, let’s break the word “Thanksgiving” down into its parts —“thanks” and “giving”—and be a bit literal about it. If we focus on giving thanks then maybe we take some pressure off of all of us to feel a certain way or to experience Thanksgiving a certain way. In turning away from “thankfulness” and “gratefulness,” and turning toward the words “thanks” and “giving,” we move from feeling to action. And the action of giving thanks may well be the thing that ultimately propels us back to gratefulness—so why not act?

This quote feels perfect in the right now:

When I think about giving thanks, I’m not thinking “grand gesture.” It doesn’t have to be a big show or an overstated production. It shouldn’t be stressful, and it should be no pressure. It needs only to be a genuine and authentic. Simply stated, if someone has made a difference in your life, big or small, let them know that. Maybe to you it seems like no big deal, not worth mentioning, but who knows? Maybe to the person you thank it will be a huge deal. Maybe your thanks will be a game changer for them. Either way I’m willing to bet that no matter what the size of the deal, you’ll feel good giving thanks…and the other person will feel good receiving them. Kind of a can’t-miss proposition, don’t you think?

As I see it, it’s a subtle but seismic difference between being thankful or grateful vs giving thanks. The two aren’t mutually inclusive—I think you can give thanks even in moments when you’re not feeling thankful or grateful in general. Maybe when things don’t seem so great giving thanks will lighten your heart and receiving them will help you find your way through whatever darkness has settled on you.

In today’s hyper-material world we often hear the expression “you can’t take it with you” in reference to money. But the same goes for thanks—we can’t take those with us either. And giving thanks is the greatest, no-cost-high-value action I can think of, an investment that is hard to resist making.

Just as the quote above felt perfect, so too does this song. A little thank you goes a long long way.

I thank you, sincerely, for being here, for reading this.

Hope this long weekend finds you saying “thanks” a lot, and finding joy in saying it.

Happy Thanksgiving.